I was texting my bestie the other day scrutinizing all the steps I was needing to take to be happy. Don’t get me wrong I feel great right now: enjoying life, great weather, I am safe and have created a support system for me (here as well as maintaining those back home). These days my ultimate definition of “happy” is to be living in Thailand. For those who know me, you know that I have always dreamed of one day moving to Thailand to live for an extended period of time. I was born in Bangkok and have since been back there twice to visit. It has always been a goal of mine to go back to my homeland to experience its rich culture. I want to feel more like a local and less like a tourist.
I was complaining that I know I have to work to be happy but sometimes processing all the steps feels too overwhelming. Some days it just feels like I’m stuck. While I was attending school I always felt like I was waiting for school to finish so I could figure out what I wanted. Three different schools; and I kept living day to day and feeling like I was making no progress. It is obvious to me that I have been moving in the right direction. I am working towards what I want but I just WANT to be there. I wish I could just jump ahead sometimes. Bypass the middle section. Living in Victoria, I wanted to be happy and have a job working with children. Then I decided to seize the opportunity of working and travelling for a year and became an Au Pair.
I was working and waiting for months until I could finally move to New Zealand. I bought my ticket and I knew a change would happen. Now that I feel settled here I am juggling the feelings of contentment and wanting to move on. Leave a great thing to experience something new and unknown!
I was outlining all my concerns to Bizzle and her reply made me smile:
“I know what you mean. I hate waiting for life to happen. I think sometimes we need to take risks and take charge of our lives. “
That’s what my best friend does for me: she listens, validates my feelings, gives me support and strong words of encouragement. I just needed that boost.
When it doesn’t feel like I am moving forward, I appreciate the nudges of encouragement. The reminders that I am working towards my happiness. I needed to refocus my energy and remind myself not to become too blindsided by my goals of Thailand. Yes I want to achieve my goals, but I shouldn’t discredit all the opportunities I have in New Zealand. I know I am heading in the right direction—but I can also be happy where I am now both physically and mentally. I just need to keep being positive and not let my anxieties sabotage me!
Life is what you make of it and I am choosing to be happy. I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.